Hanging on by your fingernails

Hanging by your fingernails My body is trying to shut down but I still have a few weeks until Christmas. I long to lie on my lazy boy sofa and be just that a lazy boy but it is not that time yet I still have much to do… Sometimes you wish your time away, thinking of lazy do nothing days and holidays and dreaming of a day where you don’t remember what day it is or for that matter what time it is…. No matter what you do to fend off those day dreaming feelings you have a lot to do before then. What I have noticed is that no matter what you tell yourself when you know you have some downtime coming your body starts to ignore your brain and thinks it can start to wind down, then your brain joins in by not wanting to do the things you are supposed to do until you can rest, both physically and mentally. Like I always say that your mental state is 9/10 and your physical is 1/10. This ratio seems wrong but time and time again I have been proved right (the major of rightsville) when your head is good and strong but your body is tired you can push on but when your mind is tired and in turmoil and your body is tired you will be unable to continue you will stop, shut down and close for business. That is a dangerous area to be in, many people have seen no way out of this black abyss and for some it has proven too much and they become broken either physically, mentally or both and in some cases suicidal. Christmas being the no. 1 time of the year for people taking their lives due to depression. The more people I talk too and train with you can see sometimes they are hanging by their finger nails, 101 things to do and just 24 hours in the day. When I look at them sometimes I feel as if I am watching them standing in front of 14 foot waves, feeling helpless as wave after wave hits them and knocks them off their feet. Just to see them get back up coughing and spluttering only to be hit again and again by these mountainous waves. I swim in to help them but sometimes I can’t and they never resurface, other times they refuse help because it is “ not my problem “ my hand is out there wanting to pull them back up but pride, ego and a blind sense of independence stops them, so I watch as they try to weather the crashing tide. It is heart breaking to watch and I must admit I look away sometimes as I find it all too much to spectate. Kerry and I watch different programmes like under cover boss and extreme make over (not like the Christmas make up you see at parties) If you ever see a girl that has went way over on her make up I have learned never to say “ what panto are you in?” and “Why so serious?” (Joker from batman) they never find it funny! (Just trying to lighten the mood!) When Kerry and I watch them it is heart breaking to hear the stories that the employees tell the ‘Boss’ and it is amazing to see they joy and relieve on the faces when they give them time off for a holiday or pay for a college fund for their kids, or medical expenses, many a time I am crying into my sausage sandwich only to look over to see Kerry’s lovely little chin uncontrollably moving and her face covered in tears. It amazes me that to the undercover boss a little bit of money in their eyes can change lives for good in small cogs in their vast companies, sometimes the boss is crying more than the employee knowing that at fateful meeting has changed both of their lives for the better. But if the boss had not done the show how long could the employee have hung on by their fingernails…. I have been in some dark stages in my life where I have found I can’t cope with things and you can fall quite quickly into a deep dark hole (Like the hole Alice fell down). A few years ago my back was very painful (It still is but I ‘manage’ it better) and life was very hard but as a full time self-employed Martial Arts coach and gym owner, trying to run the gym look after Kerry, molly and Erin to the best of my ability, when you are in constant pain and the pressure to do your job like holding pads, getting locked, kicked and general thrown around like a rag doll for the next 10 hours was not my idea of fun. I was feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders and as I walked across the bridge from the carpark into the city centre I would feel I could not cope with the day and sometimes cry but then try and pull myself around and face the day ahead. There are many people I see do this and I feel for them because I see them struggle on in life bouncing around like they are in a giant pinball machine just waiting to drop down the middle into the dark hole. I have less times like this as I do enjoy what I do but with the help of my friends and lovely wife kerry and my princesses Molly and Erin, I live a better version of the same life I led, people can help you if you let them in, most people struggle with this like a fish caught on a hook, thinking that you must struggle alone with your thoughts, your life, as if you deserve to be caught on the hook, as if it is your fault and it is your mess and you need to deal with it! I have good friends that tell me to sit down at work and Kerry is not afraid to give me home truths when I turn into the whining miserable John that surfaces from time to time. People can help you if you just open the door to them and the amazing thing about helping people is that it makes you feel good, so I don’t understand why people would not like to help people when they can, rather than twist little balls of hate and back stabbing that seem to give off like a vibe. Try and steer clear of these types of people in your life and surround yourself with good people that care for each other and are happy for you when your life is going well and there to help when it is not. Sometimes life does get too much, take time out go away from everything and everyone that is stressing you. You need to do this for your health, a couple of days out of the whirlwind of life will do you the world of good. If you can’t, chip away at some of the things that are stressing you and ask for help, don’t be proud independent or stupid (I know I still am many times) sometimes asking for help or guidance is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of strength. Have a safe and Happy Christmas and enjoy the now without worrying about the future and regretting the past. See you in the New Year working on getting a better grip of life John Atkin

Leave a Reply